Category Archives: Life

ThreeSixFive

One year ago today, I was somewhere else.

And I’m still dealing with the after effects of the experience.

I have never considered myself someone who is easily jostled by the curve balls that life occasionally lobs my way.

But here I am, one year on, and I’m still dealing with it.

I don’t like to use the D word, because it fills me with unfair preconceived and inaccurate notions of weakness and limitation.

However, having recently decided to make whatever positive changes that are within my power to make, to put myself where I would rather be, I guess I recognize that it can only help me if I acknowledge what is going on, and has been going, for these last three hundred and sixty five days.

The truth is, I am depressed. Not in any easily diagnosed or readily solvable way. More like a “hurting to my core, feeling directionless and a variety of unhappy emotions” kind of way.

But this isn’t the end. Nor does it have to be. Every day that I move further and further away from the moment my depression began, I get closer and closer to the moment my depression will end.

And that is something to look forward to.

Obligatory Blog Post

I haven’t been on here much, and for that, I can only say  – so what?

I suppose it’s like that old addage “If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all”.

Or in my case “If you have nothing useful to say, no one is going to notice”.

I digress.

So, in the interests of waxing my own philosophic symbol, here are some funny things to ponder that I came up with when i typed it.

1) All people look funny when on the toilet.

2) When you get a song stuck in your head you hate, why not sing a different song?

3) In 2015, we are still more concerned about what other people are doing, and why it’s wrong, than education, or healthcare.

4) Despite all the terrible things human beings do to the world and each other, a dog will still ultimately trust an outstretched hand.

5) Look at a person in front of you. Now they are on the toilet. They do look funny, don’t they.

6) Why does no one in a zombie apocalypse movie go to a Bulk Barn?

7) What if Netflix is Skynet’s Final Solution?

8) As I typed that, the power went out in my neighbourhood, for one minute. Just let that sink in.

9) The bottled water industry is an elaborate charade to use up the left over Crystal Pepsi stock – one can for every skid of bottled water.

10) The person in front of you is still straining.

If you think this was great, just wait the Eleventy-Ninth of Procteebler, when I write about that thing behind you on the wall.

Reasonable Drought

Everything happens for a reason, as the saying goes.

All through our lives, we experience ups and downs, and twists and turns, that catch us off-guard and send us down unexpected paths.

How we react to these stimuli, is what generally determines our experience.

It is, to be fair, a challenge.

To keep our minds open and our spirits willing, to face the uncertain maelstrom of change, as it rips us from comfort and cozy, propelling us to new worlds, leaving us dripping in our undone sweaters on the welcome mat of the next moment.

And when we swivel our heads side to side, we see what we didn’t necessarily expect to, what we perhaps didn’t want to, and try as we might, we shake it off, and console ourselves with that most vague of comforting sayings:

“Everything happens for a reason”.

Yeah.

That has to be the stupidest, most chock full of horseshit statements EVER in the history of horseshit statements.

Very much akin to “finding something in the last place you look”.

Of course everything happens for a reason.  It’s cause and effect. Shit wouldn’t happen if shit didn’t cause it to happen. Most likely, the root cause of said shit is closely related to the irregular lump of putty staring back at you in the mirror.

Listen – something you did, you said, you thought, you felt, led you to this, whatever your “this” is.

If you don’t like where you ended up – go somewhere else.
Not crazy about your outlook – then look in.
Uncertainty creeping into your thought process- think differently!
Most importantly – feel ok about not feeling ok.

I am talking to and about myself, of course.

All of you (those following in real time, and those reading from the future) are just the lucky, lucky people that happen to be riding shotgun on this oh-de-lally little side trip of mine.

Listen – I haven’t had much to say lately, mostly because there was nothing I felt needed saying. Sometimes less is more, sometimes little is less.

Life goes on. Shit happens. Wherever you go, there you are.

Our collective experience is littered with jaunty Hallmark sayings perfectly designed to dull the ache of the long stretch of time we affectionately refer to as seconds, minutes, hours…..

Perhaps I just needed to wait for the snow to melt, for the sun to shine a little warmer and higher in the sky, and for the air to drift sweetly by, carrying the first whispers of a new spring.

Maybe I just needed to feel like I had something worth saying.

Quite possibly, I just needed a reason.

After all, everything starts to happen, when you have a reason.

This Post is Offensive

Readers be warned:

My words are chosen carefully. The innuendos, intended.

My jokes are almost always double entendres, and often mean more than one thing.

It is possible that what I write is not everyones’ cup of tea. My humour, is perhaps an acquired taste.

Maybe no one is paying attention. Maybe everyone is, somewhere in time.

That’s fine. I don’t mind, I can take it. I am a big boy. I have big shoulders. I don’t need people to like me.

But as the skipping record skips, it bears repeating.

The Constitution Act of 1867: Part 1 The Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms:

Section 2: Fundamental Freedoms

Everyone has the following fundamental freedoms:

  • (a) freedom of conscience and religion;

  • (b) freedom of thought, belief, opinion and expression, including freedom of the press and other media of communication;

  • (c) freedom of peaceful assembly; and

  • (d) freedom of association.

Because everyone has a voice.  Every word, every expression is priceless. We are all just stories in the end.

And for now, I am exercising my freedom to say what I want, what i shouldn’t have to say.

So I’m going on the Offensive.

Je suis Charlie.

And Now Back to the regularly scheduled Future…..

So it’s another new year.

We are, right now, living in the future. Also now. And now as well. You get the idea. Time is fleeting. Or at the very least, passing quickly in a lazy, cumbersome manner.

Anytime in the next twelve months, hoverboards, flying cars, another JAWS movie and many other such wonders will come bursting out at us to officially state that “Yes! The Future is NOW”.

More likely, parts of the world will be mired in religious and political forms of persecution and turmoil, inequality will be rampant abroad and at home, and we will, each of us, continue to make ends meet and get our hands on the next generation of gadgets, gizmos and fads.

Listen:

Nothing much change from year to year. Evolution, social or otherwise is a painfully dull process. A law gets passed in one place, and a group of like minded people protest in another. Critical mass is required at all levels, for experiments to be deemed viable, for trends to take shape, for hearts and minds to shift.

Whether you are seeking justice at the hands of the authorities in which we place our trust, or the right to control what happens to your body, or just the consideration to spend your life with whom you choose, every one has a story worth telling. Every single voice is a part of the choir. Each one of us seeks some kind of achievement.

Preparedness. Planning. Goal setting. These buzz words have bounced around our collective vocabulary for the better part of the last sixty years or so. As we begin another new year, should we not then consider what we as a species would like to achieve locally, nationally, internationally?

High minded and terrible idealistic, I know. “12 Angry Men” shows us that it’s almost impossible to get a small group, let alone nations, to come to consensus.

But as we successfully arrive at the start of yet another new year, we prove to ourselves over and over and over again, that eventually, we can smooth off the edges, and find a common patch of ground on which to lay the foundations of our shared future hopes and dreams. That should be important to us, that regular, routine, mundane achievement.

Five hundred years from now, there will still be fanatics. There will still be unsavory elements to our society. It will be virtually impossible to pull ourselves away from any kind of conflict, because it is just part of who we are. For now. Until we choose to change the script. Unless we decide it will be different this time. Unless groups of people gather together, as a show of unity, a critical mass, to rewrite our story, then we can only live with our inaction.

It’s 2015. The Future is Now. And it always will be.

The Day Before Christmas

‘Twas the day before Christmas, sometime after 4,
Not a snowflake was sighted, through window or door.

The turkey was roasting, and drippings with goo,
as poor puppies waited to go for a poo.

The kids were XBoxing and shouting at bots,
Potatoes were peeled and headed to pot.

With Mother a-tubbing, and I in my chair,
The tree lights sat glowing, with nary a care.

When out on the lawn there came not a sound,
no howling, no thunder, there was no one around.

The sky was a pasty white-grey shadowed thing
That last one got away from me, but it had a nice ring.

I glanced through the pane, and then – pain in the groin!
from the boney and one-tooth-less fruit of my loin.

You see kids are oblivious to their feets and each hand,
To what they are doing and where they will stand.

It’s noisy, it’s crazy, they’re smelly but sweet.
These kids make the moments of living a treat.

We do a good job, their mother and I,
of raising these rugrats from low to up high.

They’re happy, and healthy, and most are well-read,
they are all fairly sociable, though none make their bed.

Each one is a treasure, a rare work of art,
And yes they’ll still giggle at the sound of a fart.

So as we tuck in for our holiday fun,
remember these moments, savour each one.

It’s Yule Time, it’s Christmas and Festivus too,
and tomorrow, of course….

THERE’S NEW DOCTOR WHO!!!!!

Merry Christmas 2014 to all of you, from all of us.