Category Archives: Um …. Awkward

Baby, it’s cold outside….but don’t take my word for it!

I have been tremendously lazy. Rant over.

Sorry. I lied.

I actually have been lazy.

I say actually a lot.

As recompense, it has snowed. A LOT. Buckets of sand and ice melt sigh disdainfully at us as we free the pavement from a white, frigid grave. Again.

Life does not currently have a dislike button. But if it did, it would be buried, likely.

Winter and I are currently at loggerheads. Our people are talking. Not to each other, mind you. They are shaking their fists and beating their chests like great hairy apes arguing over the serving of a well-risen souffle.

Yeah, that one kind of got away from me. Which is weird, because where would I get the milk?

Anyways, it makes me lazy. And now I have a cold.

All motivation has leaked out of me like a runny nose on parade.

It’s gross, I know, but we are all human, for the most part, and we leak equally. If you catch my drift.

Its funny how my topics are usually multi-pronged.

We leak fluids. We hemorage emotions. We burst forth with eruptive opinions.

And we spew forth into the ether, our fears, insecurities and our true thoughts. We shovel our heavy burdens out into the world, clearing a path from our hearts to our brains, leaving room to enough to turn and run, should we need to beat a hasty retreat.

Funny thing, about when we think our thoughts, or clear away the frosty remains of a cold night, and blow our noses.

We sometimes forget about what might actually come out.

Speaking of which –

Time to make a tissue dance…….

The Sacred and The Wounded Word…..

This is my blog.

There are many like it but this one is mine.

My blog is not necessarily my best friend, but it means well.

It is a tiny fraction of my life.

I must master it as I must master my life.

Which I recognize is a circular statement with no actual context or substance, but sounds deep and wisdomy. 

Without me, my blog is useless.

Also not as funny.

Without my blog I am just another guy without a blog.

I must write my blog true. Or false. Depends on the weather, i suppose.

I must ruminate more crisply than some other blogger, who is trying to out-funny me.

I must stop using made up words, like geflunka, or Dave. Or wisdomy.

I must publish mine before he or she publishes theirs.

I will. (No I won’t).

I promise. (No I don’t).

I mean it this time. (Not really).

Really. (Wrong again).

Before Eccentrica Gallumbits and Kurt Vonnegut and The Fonze, I swear this creed:

My blog and myself are defenders of the magical land of Tee-Hee-Hee.

We are the Masters of my inner monologue.

We are the Sainted Physician, attending to the Sacred and the Wounded Words of my life.

So be it, or make it so, until there is no more words to write, but peace.

So say we all.

Seacrest, Out!!

Emergency Temporal Shrift

Well, it’s that time of year again.

No. The other one. (This we offer in humility and fear. For the blessed peace of your eternal slumber. As it ever was).

Sorry. I took a few days off.

The world raises its glasses in celebration, sending off the year in a manner befitting of whatever cultures or peoples it embraces.

We all reflect and remember in our own way.

We all have plans, dreams, hopes and schemes to unfurl in the coming days and weeks.

From the day we arrive on the planet, and blinking step into the sun. There is more to see than can ever be seen. More to do than – no, hold on… Sorry, that’s the ‘Lion King’. But the point still stands.

We will be challenged. Its not easy, the future.

It tasks us. It tasks us, but we shall have it.

And tomorrow morning, as we slink from ‘neath the lamp shade of indulgence, the first bright new day of a brand new year will shine its unforgiving flashlight upon our expectations.

I know you’re out there. I can feel you now. I know that you’re afraid. You’re afraid of us. You’re afraid of change. I don’t know the future. I didn’t come here to tell you how this..… Facepalm.  – that’s “The Matrix”. Sorry.

Look at the egg on me.

Listen.

When you go forward into 2014, keep this in mind: I have a proposition which was true in old times, just as it’s true today. Be excellent to each other. And… PARTY ON, DUDES!

Oops. I did it again.

Happy New Year. And shit.

Ice Ice, Baby….

There’s a storm coming.

And I mean that in most sincere, literal and figurative way.

Also, I can see it. It’s right outside the window.

Fortunately, I have the appropriate kind of footwear.

Its kind of important – appropriate footwear.

Having the right kind can determine the quality of the experience you have while going from Tab A to Slot B.

Footwear can also say a lot about a persons outlook as well. Each one is unique. You might prefer flip flops. I enjoy the snug, manly fit of a well-tailored boot.

You see, we humans are a fascinating, frustrating, magnificent and idiotic lot.

Lumbering, wibbly-wobbly bags of meat and drama that pout, party and poop, swayed by the whims of pop cultural significance, desires of the flesh and most importantly, by the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune.

We are tragic. And so much bigger on the inside.

We are all variations on a theme.  Yet we cool the jets of discontent towards each other.

Our spiteful words breeds frostbite into our hearts. We build bridges with anger and insensitivity that keep us apart, and set them alight with fires of indifference.

We freeze each other out. We rain on each others parades.

We really need to chill out.

How about we put aside the pretext of me versus you.

And acknowledge that it’s just US.

Arm in arm. Back to back. Together against the Universe.

We dont have to agree on everything. But we can accept each other, unconditionally.

Yes. It’s frustrating. It’s hard work. But I have an idea.

If I try on your flip flops, then you can try on my boots.

And then, if we can manage that, maybe we can go for a walk.

Not far. Maybe a mile or two.

Together.

In the wind. Or the rain. Or the ice. Or the snow.

Because if we are together, it doesn’t matter the weather.

Yes. I realize I said previously I don’t like the cold. It’s called an analogy.

Jeez. Have some perspective.

See what I did there?

Time is a many-feathered bitch….

Whirlwind couple of days.

Snow fell like dandruff from the chafing scalp of a less fortunate man.

There were filet mignon whispers with cabernet sauvignon dreams. And whip cream.

Aggregated sinuses and busy-bodied mall walkers.

A mere eight days dangle before our noses like hopeful morsels of holiday baking. Its December, and Christmas beckons.

Perhaps I’ve been time travelling. Maybe this was always the way it happened.

I digress. But not all it once. Slowly, like melting cheese.

The words are escaping me at the moment. To be fair, the cool-ranch adventures of Axel Foley are quite distracting.

Maybe tomorrow, there will come softer, more enticing rains.

Besides, the cornflakes are screaming again. And this time, its personal.

Insane in the brain…….

Two points:

1) I mean A) I really dislike headaches.

B) sorry, 2) I also don’t enjoy crowds.

In regards to the primary article, for some reason, I’ve been wrestling with an inordinate number of them lately.

Which sucks balls.

Not that at anytime could a headache be misconstrued as enjoyable. Unless you are in to that sort of thing. I, personally, am not.

Water. Food. Caffeine.

Nothing seems to be helpful.

I don’t like taking Tylenol as a rule. So like any red-blooded male, I stubbornly suffer through it.

Although, now that I think about it, that’s probably a fairly stupid approach. Mostly due to the fact it doesn’t work. Like, ever.

As far my second point goes, I need to clarify.

I don’t mind small gatherings. One-on-one visits with friends or close family members is fine. Mall-going throngs are not my cup of tea. It makes my teeth itch.

They tend to lead to an increased amount of stress, frustration and headaches.

Wow. I literally didn’t see that coming.

My overarching theme here is unexpected and unwanted …stuff.

It isn’t fun. I will sometimes have to deal with both at inopportune times, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Because I don’t.

Also they totally screwed up our order at Starbucks.

Ow. My head.

Do Not Want.

General Malais, Reporting For Duty

I remembered what I dislike most about winter.

Sorry. Yes, in case you weren’t sure, it is in fact, now winter.  That snow never melted.

So as I was saying, dislike.

A severe lack of desire to do anything.

Now, I don’t necessarily think its seasonal affective disorder. Or at least I am not yet willing to entertain that notion.

I do think it is mostly laziness.

So, as a means to combat this and other related stresses, my wife and I are embarking on a new venture.

Tomorrow.

Ideally, this intention will brighten our moods, decrease our waist size and hopefully extend the length our lives.

I hope this time it sticks.

I’d like to feel better soon.

Silence is Off-Ochre…

There are occasions every so often, when a person has nothing compelling to say.

There are also times when people don’t know when to shut up.

I like to think I’ve developed a keen sense of diplomacy and sharp observational skills that enable me to ascertain the potential for these disastrous and uncomfortable situations, and hopefully, the wherewithal to avoid them.

Sometimes, that isn’t the case.

Today, however, I think I might be “in the zone”, so to speak.

So, in light of the above statements, I’m going to leave you with this parting bit of wisdom:

If you’re the only one talking in a room full of awkward silence, you might want to take a hint.

Nighty-night.

Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Weekend Celebration – Part One

Friday Night.

The family and I are kicking off our weekend of all things Whovian.

For tonight we have:

Dinner:

Kronkburgers and Gallifries with Sonic Screwdrivers (non-alcoholic for the kiddies)

image

A viewing of “An Adventure In Space and Time” followed by all four episodes of “The Three Doctors” – The 10th Anniversary special.

Great Fun.

#SaveTheDay